On the outside my boyfriend is perfect. Tall, Dark and Handsome whos corteous, treats me like a princess, would do anything for me, and would definenetly never cheat on me. It has always been about what i want and what i need. He has always listened to what i tell him, and even better take my advice or do what i say. Hes loving, respectful, and not to mention he moved 5000 miles away just to be with me.
  Which is why i wish that I just loved him. Its so weird because ill get little twinges of love for him. I know that i care about him deeply and that i trust him with my life, we have been dating for so long now, but i dont even really know if i love him. After the first time we had sex (he waited 8 months to even have sex with me) i felt what i had felt for my previous boyfriends, what i think was love, but it faded away afterwards and now im not really into the idea of having sex with him at all, really never. But it makes me wonder if i was just infatuated with my other boyfriends and this is real love?
  As much as i try to really love him, I cant help  but think about how i want to date, and that one guy i truly liked in the last 2 years. i really really liked him, and honestly im still tempted to see how hes doing from time to time but dont want to even torture myself with the thought of him seeing someone else, which of course he is. God damn ballerinas.
  But honestly i really have no clue what to do. I want him in my life, but ive cheated on him in the early days of our relationship because i thought that i didnt love him, and i dont want to get married to someone i cheated on. Now ive promised marriage and moving with him back with him those 5000 miles and on one hand i really want to, and on the other, it seems like it would be a little bit short of ruining the life i always invisioned for myself. But is the life that i envisioned myself in really the one that i want? and just because i want to have fun and date around  should i really have pass up the chance to be with the most perfect man man, inside and out, alive? and most i importantly, what is wrong in my stupid brain that makes me NOT LOVE HIM??!?!